Love Yourself – M A T E J K A

Lust For Life

Proclaiming to love yourself in this world is seen as brave, as courageous, as rebellious.

In a world that profits from your self-loathing, saying a big ‘Fuck You!’ to the people that perpetuate this hatred within you is seen as incredible…and I find that so disturbing.

I am not brave or courageous for loving myself.
I am not defying the odds, or society.
It is not heroic to love the flesh that you inhabit; it’s human.

Just tonight as I was waiting in line with my groceries, I glanced over and saw a reader’s digest style magazine, and every single cover line was about women shedding 2 pounds, 4 pounds, 10 pounds QUICK! I literally flipped it the bird, and I know it was a superfluous act, but it felt SO. DAMN. GOOD.

1 year ago, I would never have seen it that way.
1 year ago, I would have snuck that trash onto the belt hidden amongst the rest of my purchases.
1 year ago, I would have felt immense shame within myself seeing those bold-font reminders that I am taking up too much space in this world.

Today is a different story.
Not every day is easy but – this day, this hour, this minute, this precious fucking second, I can stand exposed in front of glass coated with metal amalgam and admire what is reflected back at me.

I can gaze at it with soft eyes that carry love instead of hated.
I can caress each curve, each line, each bit of abundance with compassion and pride.
I can move and twirl and bounce, and watch with joy and childlike whimsy.

It has taken me so long to stand here today. I am tired – literally fatigued – at the notion of having to wake up every day and despise this shell that affords me so much on this Earth. I simply refuse to do it any longer.

To love yourself allows your mind to truly be free.
To be free of invasive thoughts that steal the light of day.
To be free to see the stars that twinkle against the velvet night sky.
To be free to breathe in every molecule of oxygen so deeply that you taste the pine on the trees.
To be free to live with lust and valiance.
To be free to drink in the magic of the world that surrounds you.

I will not allow others to police my body any longer.
I will not allow others to impose rules upon my autonomy.
I will not allow others to cripple me within my own soul.
I will not allow archaic, misogynistic views of female nudity to remove my power.

I am here.
I am evolving.
I have worked hard to peel back the layers that have been plastered unwillingly onto me to keep me ‘sheltered’ and ‘compliant’.
I don’t want to be sheltered, and I will never be compliant.

I will own my womanhood.
I will own the divine beauty that resides in my soul.
I will own the flesh that houses every speck of dust within me.
I will own this life, and all that I am gifted by it.
I will shower with gratitude those who see my true light, and I will walk away from those who don’t.

And I will not apologize for any of it any longer.

“‘Cause we’re the masters of our own fate
We’re the captains of our own souls
So there’s no need for us to hesitate
We’re all alone, let’s take control…”

I am beholden to empowering, inspiring women like Jan Stolee (who is credited for the breathtaking photos below).

Without whom, I would not carry such meaningful conversation regarding change, allowing growth, and coming into yourself.
Without whom, I would be unable to (literally) see the spike in my confidence through her lens.
Without whom, I would still be ashamed of my uncovered skin – instead of being gifted the vision of the true beauty that a woman’s body holds.

Forty Two

Trying to get back into the swing of things since my “birthday weekend” last weekend.
It was a total blast, BUT…. I wanted to blog my other outfit and I totally forgot to take good photos while in it (aside from the tipsy photos I got with HORRID lighting that make me look like a demon coming out of the depths…) — So… now that I’ve got my laundry complete, I’ll be shooting that outfit next. Better late than never, right?

ANYWAY.

On a positive note, I bought the MOST AWESOME shoes for myself ’cause you know, when it’s your birthday, you TREAT YO SELF. If you can’t afford to frost your ears, fingers or neck (like me), then you frost those feet instead! I feel like that’s a lot more practical, anyway.

Peep these babies from Skechers – seriously.

So. much. bling. So. much. sparkle. SO. MUCH. HAPPY.

Also, they’re called the Shiny Dancer? WELL OBVIOUSLY that fits the bill just perfectly!
(shout out to my 16 years of competitive dancing!)

The next pair I get is definitely going to be these – the Bright Idea – Elevated. I was really torn between these and the Shiny Dancers, but if the decision involves bling or no bling …the bling will ALWAYS win out with me.

Aaaand, my shirt came in! I was so excited to see a package on my step from Wear Your Label.

This is the “I ❤ Me” tee. It’s soft, and comfortable, and a daily reminder to love yourself – and I think that makes it just one of the best t-shirts out there.

As an extra perk, it’s also currently on sale 😉 … get it here !

Here’s a better view of these beauties for you:

It’s also Mani Monday!!! I decided to have some fun and try to do emoji nails LOL. As you can see, it turned out pretty hilariously. I thought I was using the smallest brush possible, but apparently I was NOT. It’s all good. They still look pretty sweet – from far away.

All the best to you for the rest of your week!

❤

Thirty Six

AS FEATURED ON SKECHERS CANADA SOCIAL MEDIA

Be unapologetically you.

If you love something, put your all into it.
If you want something bad enough, never give up on it.
If you’ve got dreams bigger than can fit in the windshield of your car, go after them.

BUT –
Never, ever let go of your authenticity; of your soul.

If you’re a member of the #OddSquad like I am, OWN IT BABY.

If dancing down the aisles of a Walmart while grocery shopping brings you joy, then shake that booty all the way into the freezer section.

If singing at the top of your lungs makes your heart flutter, then sing – everywhere.you.go. It doesn’t matter if you think you’re good enough or not. If it’s a passion of yours, then love it with everything you’ve got.

If becoming the league master of your online gaming community is all you’ve ever wanted, you better step up! (Note: I have no idea if being a league master is even a thing. I don’t play online games, but if you do – then give’er! You do you, boo!)

If wearing crop tops, baggy boyfriend-shirts, short shorts, leggings, or any other piece of clothing makes you feel like a SUPREME GODDESS – YAS HONEY. You need to rock that ish any chance you get, and don’t listen to what anyone else says about it.

Dream big, set goals, kick them out of the park! Karate chop the shit out of anything that gets between you and whatever it is that makes you happy.

Most importantly:

Love yourself, and love your body – no matter what size or shape that it’s packaged in.

It is incredible, and so are you.

Now let’s talk fashion!

Victoria’s Secret makes some of the most comfortable, flattering sportswear I’ve ever encountered. I could NOT pass up the killer deal they had this past weekend as I was strolling through the mall.

Buy any sport bra top, and get any legging for $28?! WHAT. UH YES. I’ll take all of your remaining available stock, please. (Just kidding, because I am not the heir to an empire…)

But real talk… I couldn’t resist grabbing this adorable set to don at my Zumba class!

Also, if you haven’t already been turned on to Skechers shoes – well I don’t even know what to say to you other than: you need to get into a Skechers store ASAP rocky and treat your feet to something so lush and comfy!

I mean – these shoes were practically made to match this outfit.
GOTTA MATCH ‘EM ALL, AMIRITE?

See what I did there… hehehe. Alright, I’ll see myself out now.

Booty is POPPIN’ in these pants. I also love the reflector details, which are great for highlighting your presence in dim lighting when a light source is shone on you…not that I’ll ever be using them in a situation that would require me to be seen in such a way.

AND BONUS SHOT:

I call this pose my “I DON’T WANNA”. As in, for example:

*I don’t wanna attend an ACTUAL gym with you. I’d rather just go to Zumba.
*I don’t wanna go to that place that is teeming with people and noise – today, or ever.
*I don’t wanna get out of bed, or have to adult in any way shape or form today.

You get the gist.

❤

Thirty Five

There’s something that I’m learning as I grow older and more wise.

Happiness has nothing to do with what’s around me. It doesn’t come from the clothing I wear (okay maybe it does a little bit, when I find a comfortable pair of stretchy pants to allow for the growth of a just conceived food baby). It doesn’t come from the makeup I experiment with, or the food I eat, the trinkets I collect to gather dust in my living room, or the new bag that I bought to match the shoes that also joined the family a few days earlier.

No, it doesn’t come from these things. Not really.

Sure, all of these things can make me happy – but it’s not true joy. It’s a temporary high, and it’s gone just as fast as it comes.

Collecting possessions to bring myself happiness when I am not content within myself first means I will forever be on a search for something I will never find.

And this is where I have gone wrong for most of my life.

Don’t mistake me by thinking that I don’t have a knack for pretty or interesting (or even luxurious) things – clearly, as Louis joined me in the making of this post. But I grew too fond of them, and too beholden to them, that I couldn’t understand why I was never satisfied even though I was surrounded by so much material wealth.

I was unhappy, and it was an unhappiness that brewed from deep within. It took me letting go of a lot of my worldly possessions to begin to realize the err of my ways.

I took a long, hard look in the mirror and began to face everything that I’d buried under a mountain of clothing and shoes. And the more I looked, the more the clothing and shoes disappeared, and the less and less that I missed them. The more I looked, the stronger I craved experience, and memory-making, and getting out into the world to reconnect with what really matters.

Happiness is a journey; it’s not something that comes from things.

It comes from me, and only me. From within myself. It comes from learning all about the facets that have created the being that I am today. It comes from learning to love each of those plates, grouted together – some jagged as rock and some smooth as glass; each just as vital, regardless.

It’s a hard fight to free yourself of the confines of our society. If you’re like I am and you’ve been living within the “Everything Shiny and Everything New” era of today, then you realize how difficult it can be to divorce yourself from it.

I don’t need the newest or the shiniest anymore; I’ve realized there is no magic in those things. The magic and the character come from having been pre-loved, and loved well (hint: this applies to your bags and yourself). The more I think about it, the more I would rather have well-loved and well-known pieces in my collection that tell stories of where I’ve been and the adventures that I’ve had.

It’s a never-ending race to find the best and be the best, but you’re not competing against each other – you’re competing against yourself. You will never see the finish line if you refuse to acknowledge this.

Protect your happiness and learn to walk away. It’s not savage, it is necessary. In a world that will do everything to break you down and keep you unhappy, it is absolutely pertinent.

“Less is more” is the old adage we’ve all more than likely heard many times. I used to always brush it off, thinking nothing of it, but I see now the truth that hides behind it.

Less IS more.
Less technology in your life is more connection.
Less material wealth in your life is more freedom.
Less attention to celebrity media in your life is more love and acceptance of yourself.
Less hatred and jealousy toward your fellow beings is more community and love.
Less negativity in your life is more positivity surrounding you.
Less competition with others is more time for you and the things that really matter.

❤

None of the items featured in this post are new. They have all been in my closet for relatively some time now, ranging from months to years.

Thirty Four

Well hellooooooo.
I found a new love, and it’s not fashion.

This is why I have been MIA. I’ve been thinking about climbing, learning about climbing, and doing the climbing. It’s been amazing.

Actually, this whole year has been pretty incredible so far, but particularly these last few months. I am learning SO much about myself, and I am just feeling so much more comfortable from every angle that I scope. I’ve been discovering the authenticity that’s been hiding within all this time; it’s incredibly liberating. The genuine happiness and care-free frolicking that follows is unmatched.

I am of the Earth element, and I am finding out that I am absolutely an Earth-bound soul. I love to experience everything about the literal Earth that surrounds me. Naturally, it only makes sense that hanging off a wall with my hands covered in chalk just feels like home.

Everything about climbing just feels like home. It really nurses the gypsy heart that beats within my chest. I am fast finding out just how wonderful, supportive and welcoming the climbing community is. It’s packed full of good people; my kinda people.

I am so excited for this next adventure in my life, so I apologize now for the inevitable increase in flightiness and absence. But as they say, you gotta follow your heart. 😉

Now, on that note – I did stumble upon (rather randomly) something that I’ve been struggling with basically since puberty. That “tousled-beach-wave” look. SERIOUSLY. Why does the undone look take SO MUCH DOING?!

If you, too, have struggled with this – please appreciate my 11 Step instructions below (profanities are a free bonus…you’ll know what I mean).

11 Steps to Perfectly Undone Hair
Step 1: Wash hair at night, as you normally would.
Step 2: Towel dry hair, shake to release. DO NOT BRUSH.
Step 3: Go to bed.
Step 4: Wake up in morning, tousle with fingers. (AGAIN) DO NOT BRUSH.
Step 5: Go about your daily business (we’ll refine your “undone” look later).
Step 6: In evening, run fingers through matted hair to ‘brush’ … (good luck)
Step 7: Plug in flat iron. Heat to desired setting.
Step 8: Grab random chunks of hair in no particular pattern. Run through flat iron in curling motion at fairly quick pace.
Step 9: Leave random strands that escape flat iron’s grip. Leave random strands that refuse to curl like the others. Leave random globs of hair that have matted together. They’ll be hidden. JUST TWIST ONCE AND GO WITH IT.
Step 10: Shake the shit out of it. Crop-dust with hairspray and scrunch.
Step 11: Leave house because you look fabulously “undone”.

Et, VOILA! Magnificent!

You’re welcome.

Outfit Details
Top – HM Coachella Collection (2016)
Fringe Duster – Stitches
Jeans – Ardene (I KNOW)
Shoes – Winners (#FabFind)
Glasses – Tahari (Winners – #FabFind)

Thirty Three

It’s been a while since I made a fashion post. Oy. Not being a full-time blogger, I get sidetracked – easily. Well, really that’s just me in life, in general. Shooting for this post I noticed something different though…

There wasn’t ONE photo that I had that I criticized.
I even found myself cheering myself on.

“YAS GURL, Look at you work it! You look fabulous! You’re amazing!”

This has not been the norm for any of my posts thus far. This is a big step.

I’ve been going through a pretty significant change the last few months. I feel like this is maybe something that happens when you’re on the cusp of the 30 year marker of life. I’ve had glimpses of moments like these all throughout my twenties thus far, but nothing as concrete as now.

I’m evolving.

I’m more aware of myself, who I am and all that that entails. I’m more connected to the world around me, in an organic way. I’m becoming less dependent on technology, compared to how I was at the beginning of the year (which could also help to explain my absence). I’m more appreciative of my body, of my essence. I’m speaking more out of love than out of hatred or bitterness – to myself, and to others. In a way, I feel like with the world around me moving forward, I am taking a few steps backwards… in the absolute best way possible. I am finding my true self, and growing in ways that I was stunted from before.

A funny kind of thing is happening along with this. My wardrobe is evolving, too.

I am choosing clothing that I am drawn to kinetically. What my heart and soul are drawn to, instead of my eyes or my wallet. In doing so, I am 1000% more comfortable in my own skin and in what I wear. I think this is the first outfit that I’ve worn in a long time (or maybe ever) that I honestly love every part of, and how I look in every part of it.

Those legs – FOR DAYS.
Them thighs – #QUADGOALS.
Those curves – DELICIOUS.
Them arms – STRENGTH.
Dat booty – HI I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU IN SO LONG NICE TO HAVE YOU BACK.

All the pieces of me that I used to tear apart, I am falling so madly in love with. I didn’t think that was possible, but the more I evolve, the stronger that love becomes – and I am so elated. Loving myself has never been easy, but I am learning and I am finding happiness within the lesson.

I hope that if you’re reading this, and you’re feeling the way that I am so used to feeling, that you too will discover love and happiness within your own lesson.

Life is hard. If we hold each other up, we can get through anything.

“All we need is love…”

❤

I am SO obsessed with bodysuits right now. And this jacket…and these jeans…and boots…and sunglasses.
I would actually (and quite possibly just might) wear this every single day. So, I can’t promise that I’ll have much new content coming in the near future. #SorryNotSorry …

Jacket – Garage (on clearance!)
Bodysuit – H&M
Jeans – Gap (1969 fit)
Boots – DUNE London
Sunnies – Winners Fab Find

Thirty Two

I just wanted to take a moment to share my thoughts on this particular photo today. Kayley Reed (of Wear Your Label) had posted it to Instagram the other day, and it really struck a chord with me.

As soon as I saw it, I just sat there, mouth gaping.

“HOLY SHIT”, I thought. “This is exactly what I felt but could never have put into words.”

Because I’ve been that person.

I’ve been the girl who spent hours upon hours staring at her body in a mirror and scrutinizing every single millimetre of canvas. The girl who only knew how to spew hateful things at what she saw in the mirror because she was taught by the media that it was ugly or disgusting.

I’ve been the girl who starved herself; the girl who would pass up the foods she loved or quality time with her friends for supper because she couldn’t bear to see that food turn into fat. Who binged and purged, to fit a mould that wasn’t even designed for humans; to have her shoulder blades and hip bones jut out, like a picture frame corner stretching a mesh screen.

The hatred and sheer loathing that roamed around my head – I’m not skinny enough, I’m not hairless or smooth enough, I’m not tall enough or my skin’s not dark enough. My nose isn’t small enough, my lips aren’t big enough. I’m not “womanly” shaped or curvy enough.

You know what?

I AM EVERYTHING ENOUGH.

I am pretty enough, and curvy enough. I am brave enough, and bold enough. I am smart enough, and strong enough. I am brilliant enough, and inquisitive enough. I am fierce enough, and loyal enough. I am kind enough, and I am honest enough. I am complete enough.

I AM EVERYTHING ENOUGH, and I have had enough with the absolutely ridiculous pressures and standards put on women and girls in society today. It’s not attainable, it’s not healthy and it’s NOT important. What is important is your happiness and your feeling of self-worth (and yes, your health is absolutely important, too).

It has taken me almost 29 years to love myself, in a world that should have been teaching me to do just that from the day that I was born. So my advice is this:

Love your cellulite (booty dimples), and your stretch marks (tiger stripes). Love your bread rolls, your sushi rolls, all your rolls (from enjoying wonderful food with family and friends). Love your chin hairs (wisdom tinsel) and your back hairs (stray eyebrows). Love your crows feet and your laugh lines, and all the random lines that are earned over time (they are radiant records that you have laughed and felt joy).

Love and treasure every one of your “imperfections”. You grew into them, grew up with them and you continue growing with them. They are a part of you. Embrace it all, wholly, because without it – you are not you. And you, as you are, are perfectly imperfect. Speak out of love to yourself. Speak out of positivity to the girl you see staring back at you in the mirror. Be proud of what makes you unique. Be proud of each marker that shows you have lived and are living.

You are so much more than this spaceship you were born into; you are the soul within it. You are the accumulation of your experiences; the love and the laughter that lights up your face, the tears and the heartache that show you your strength and courage. You are the empathy that lends a helping hand, the compassion that comforts another in need. You are the wisdom that sees another through, and the encouragement that embraces a moment of weakness. You are the knowledge that instills pride in others, and the kindness that births a grin. You are a beacon of hope to someone in darkness, and you are the light of jubilation to someone morose.

You are incredible, and a mirror or a scale cannot show you that.

You have always been beautiful because your true beauty can not be physically altered. So hug yourself tight, forgive your past remarks, and begin to love every single square inch. You owe it to your soul, to defy what you’ve been subconsciously taught and realize that there is absolutely nothing wrong with the way you look. You are still the most beautiful word.

❤

Twenty Eight

I wore my WYL tee to Zumba tonight. This was a personal big step.

It’s always been tricky for me to broach the subject of mental health (especially when it comes to my own), much less wear it on my chest like a neon sign.

I’m now pretty convinced that they should add “magic” to the list of what goes into these shirts. I’ve never felt as confident in my class as I did tonight.

There’s something about wearing a shirt that says “It’s Okay Not To Be Okay”: implying that I’m human, that I live with Depression and/or Mood Disorders, that I am sad/down/confused/lost a lot of the time simply because of the way my brain is wired…

…and yet, here I am: singing, smiling, laughing, dancing, [sweating my arse off]

GENUINELY having the time of my life.

It’s a reminder, a humbling moment.

It’s not always grey skies and rain clouds. There are times of sunshine and unicorns and lollipops. And I’ve come to realize that I can be free, and I can be ME, by focusing on the things that coax the sun out from behind the clouds (like Zumba!)… and being okay with sometimes not being okay. It’s not a crime, it shouldn’t be taboo – it’s all a part of being a living, breathing, growing soul.

Even though I saw curious eyes drift over to what I was wearing, nothing was said. And that’s okay. I wasn’t expecting any conversation to happen, but I know that unspoken words speak volumes; if by wearing this magical t-shirt to my class I encourage another woman to accept and love herself for her own rainy days … that would be something amazing in itself 🙂

❤

I really need to get on ordering more of these wonderful pieces!

See what I did there… hehehe. Alright, I’ll see myself out now.

*None of the items featured in this post are new. They have all been in my closet for relatively some time now, ranging from months to years.*

None of the items featured in this post are new. They have all been in my closet for relatively some time now, ranging from months to years.