Art – M A T E J K A

Lust For Life

Proclaiming to love yourself in this world is seen as brave, as courageous, as rebellious.

In a world that profits from your self-loathing, saying a big ‘Fuck You!’ to the people that perpetuate this hatred within you is seen as incredible…and I find that so disturbing.

I am not brave or courageous for loving myself.
I am not defying the odds, or society.
It is not heroic to love the flesh that you inhabit; it’s human.

Just tonight as I was waiting in line with my groceries, I glanced over and saw a reader’s digest style magazine, and every single cover line was about women shedding 2 pounds, 4 pounds, 10 pounds QUICK! I literally flipped it the bird, and I know it was a superfluous act, but it felt SO. DAMN. GOOD.

1 year ago, I would never have seen it that way.
1 year ago, I would have snuck that trash onto the belt hidden amongst the rest of my purchases.
1 year ago, I would have felt immense shame within myself seeing those bold-font reminders that I am taking up too much space in this world.

Today is a different story.
Not every day is easy but – this day, this hour, this minute, this precious fucking second, I can stand exposed in front of glass coated with metal amalgam and admire what is reflected back at me.

I can gaze at it with soft eyes that carry love instead of hated.
I can caress each curve, each line, each bit of abundance with compassion and pride.
I can move and twirl and bounce, and watch with joy and childlike whimsy.

It has taken me so long to stand here today. I am tired – literally fatigued – at the notion of having to wake up every day and despise this shell that affords me so much on this Earth. I simply refuse to do it any longer.

To love yourself allows your mind to truly be free.
To be free of invasive thoughts that steal the light of day.
To be free to see the stars that twinkle against the velvet night sky.
To be free to breathe in every molecule of oxygen so deeply that you taste the pine on the trees.
To be free to live with lust and valiance.
To be free to drink in the magic of the world that surrounds you.

I will not allow others to police my body any longer.
I will not allow others to impose rules upon my autonomy.
I will not allow others to cripple me within my own soul.
I will not allow archaic, misogynistic views of female nudity to remove my power.

I am here.
I am evolving.
I have worked hard to peel back the layers that have been plastered unwillingly onto me to keep me ‘sheltered’ and ‘compliant’.
I don’t want to be sheltered, and I will never be compliant.

I will own my womanhood.
I will own the divine beauty that resides in my soul.
I will own the flesh that houses every speck of dust within me.
I will own this life, and all that I am gifted by it.
I will shower with gratitude those who see my true light, and I will walk away from those who don’t.

And I will not apologize for any of it any longer.

“‘Cause we’re the masters of our own fate
We’re the captains of our own souls
So there’s no need for us to hesitate
We’re all alone, let’s take control…”

I am beholden to empowering, inspiring women like Jan Stolee (who is credited for the breathtaking photos below).

Without whom, I would not carry such meaningful conversation regarding change, allowing growth, and coming into yourself.
Without whom, I would be unable to (literally) see the spike in my confidence through her lens.
Without whom, I would still be ashamed of my uncovered skin – instead of being gifted the vision of the true beauty that a woman’s body holds.

Forty Five

I have been waiting SO LONG to be able to share these photos…and though the wait may have felt long, it was definitely worth it. YES. SO MUCH YES.

I was lucky enough to get to spend this day with seven other beautiful women. We had an insane amount of fun creating 7 different Halloween ‘characters’ and bringing them to life. I won’t say much else, and I’ll just let the photos speak for themselves.

All photo credit goes to Jan Stolee Photography.

Twelve

Thought Train Tuesday:

Today I’ve decided to include another one of my personal writings. It’s something I’ve had swishing around in my mind for a while now, and it feels more appropriate than ever. I see so many people, women especially, competing with one another and trying to tear each other down. Why? We are all unique and full of worth in our own special ways. We need to see each other through, to lift each other up. Look around – you probably see beauty and quality everywhere around you. In architecture, in automobiles, in flora and fauna, in clothing and accessories – so why not also in people? Think of the world you live in as a giant art hall. The people around you are moving exhibits. You’re not going to love every person, but appreciate them either way; appreciate the qualities that you love in someone, and appreciate that you might not feel connected to others. Art is evolutionary; artists hone their skills over years and years of practice, failure and accomplishment. Appreciate then, too, that the moving exhibits around you are the same.

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“What people in the world think of you is really none of your business.” – Martha Graham

I have no desire to be perfect. I find it an insult to my character to be referred to this way. To be perfect means to have reached an end, to stop – stop growing, stop learning, stop evolving. I am flawed, in many ways, and I am wonderful in many others. Nothing about me is perfect, but I am a priceless masterpiece. I am a work of art.

Art is meant to be flawed; that is what makes it incredibly beautiful. It displays proudly every ridge and crooked line. It doesn’t pick and choose what it shows. It doesn’t care what you think because it doesn’t matter. Your opinion doesn’t change it. It simply is, alive and raw, and giving a damn for no one. You may notice every out-of-place element and conclude that this renders it ugly, a monstrosity. No matter; though you disagree, its beauty remains intact. Strong and steadfast, under scrutinizing light, it does not falter.

What if we all began to see ourselves as works of art? Our souls are the artist of our bodily canvas. None can take the beauty that is subjective to your opinion alone. After all, what others think of you is none of your business. What you think of you is, and you’re still beautiful and strong; you possess unwavering merit.

XXOO

PS: I am OBSESSED with these incredible DUNE boots that I just acquired. Fun, creative sunnies from SunglassSpot – TONS of adorable styles, and super super affordable. Also, featuring my favourite jacket from Le Chateau – I’ve had so long I could probably say that it’s vintage haha!