Body Positivity – M A T E J K A

Are you offended?

Probably.

It seems like everyone is offended by everything these days.

Luckily (or maybe unluckily) for you, I’m referring to cis-gendered, thin, white, able-bodied women who are currently getting all kinds of up-in-arms over what’s going on in the #BodyPositive community right now.

Shit, that’s you?

Well, listen up, friend. I was with you, too…for about 5 minutes.

Over the last few months, I’ve really tried to diversify my Instagram feed. I did this because of my own internal struggles as I’ve begun packing on the pounds due in part to a medication I’ve been taking for my depression, and my newly adopted #FuckDietCulture attitude.

I’ve unfollowed all of the accounts that made me feel like shit (re: model agencies, model pages, fitspo pages, etc etc)…basically everything and anything that perpetuates diet culture and insinuates what I or anyone else should look like.

Instead, I’ve begun filling my feed with amazing warriors who are clapping back against the patriarchy and all of these bullshit societal standards because they occupy more space than any of those industries allow. Thus, I came across the #BodyPosi movement, and I was in heaven! As someone who is in recovery for Eating Disorders, and who struggles with body dysmorphia (feeling like I occupy a larger body than I actually do), it was really encouraging and inspiring to see all these bad ass women who live in fat bodies TAKING UP SPACE and beating their chests and fighting against everything that works to keep them hidden. FUCK YES! Right?!

Hmmm….

That’s when I noticed a lot of these new accounts I had followed begin to throw around “thin white privilege” and “thin white bodies” in rage-fuelled rants, that were followed by other women “YAS QUEEN”-ing and “SLAY”-ing in the comments, and y’all – I WAS OFFENDED.

“What the fuck? How can this community of love and acceptance be screaming so much hatred at me?! What the hell did I do?! I’ve been YAS QUEEN-ing and SLAY-ing in the comments like everyone else!”

I’ve seen a lot of women in my position who felt the same, but voiced those concerns in not-so-nice ways. I decided to do some research of my own, and it took all of about 10 minutes to realize what a fucking idiot I looked like in my own upset.

You know what I chose to do instead?

I shut the fuck up, and I listened.

Because when someone who has less privilege and visibility than you starts to tell you that you’re affecting them in a negative way, you step back and you fucking listen.

Because as someone who has experienced erasure within my own LGBTQ+ community as a Bisexual woman, when a POC/disabled/fat/otherwise marginalized woman is telling you that your actions are eliminating their visibility, you step back and you fucking listen.

Because when you can open any magazine and see your slightly chubby, yet still small, body represented on any given page, and there are women who are constantly under-represented or not represented AT ALL fighting out loud to gain that exposure, you step back and you fucking listen.

Because when you start to notice that the comments coming out of the discussions under #BodyPositivity are no longer parallel to the movement’s birth, but instead are centric around diet culture, “health”, and reduction of size equating to societal worth, you step back and you fucking listen.

Because when women in the #BodyPositive community are pounding fists and telling you that you have overtaken their space, the place (for some, the ONLY place) they had to go for safety, acceptance, love, support, and just general bad-ass-ery, you step back and you fucking listen.

I’m not sitting here saying that the things these women are saying are directed specifically at me; they’re not. It’s a collective, but I am still within that collective.

As much as I may not realize, or easily forget (because I am even afforded that privilege, too), I DO have a lot of privilege that yields me visibility above my minority spacing.

So, if you’re like me, and you get offended – get offended…but before you start spewing off what you think you know, read a few articles, talk to a few people. Your perspective will probably change, and if it doesn’t, maybe you need to sit down and ask yourself WHY.

There are other ways for us to participate in the Body Positive community. This doesn’t mean that your struggles are invalid, and this doesn’t mean that you can’t still speak about your own struggles. This simply means that we need to be more mindful of how we do so. It’s a shift in language. It’s allowing these Body Positive warriors to claim their space in the arena, while you cheer them on from the sidelines. It’s respecting your fellow sisters enough to afford them the same advantages that you experience every – single – day.

By stepping back, you lose nothing.
By stepping back, you pass the torch to those who truly deserve it.

Speaking of, here are some accounts that are worth noting, to get you started:

@bodyposipanda
@sassy_latte
@yourstruelymelly
@mindsetforlifeltd
@chooselifewarrior
@lexiemanion
@virgietovar
@thevagaggle

❤

Forty Nine

DISCLAIMER: There is strong language used in this post. #SorryNotSorry for it. I’m fed up.

I started this blog primarily as a fashion blog. To essentially play dress up with my favourite outfits and share them all with you. I’ve always been complimented for my sense of style, so it’s been fun to share my creations and to gather inspiration from others! For a while now though, I’ve been finding my love of the fashion world dwindling, and after this past week, it’s safe to say: fashion can FUCK OFF.

Yep, I said it, and part of me can’t even believe it, but there it is. Now I think I understand better why some (most) women hate shopping for themselves. I am feeling SO defeated and just…nothing positive, so I won’t even express those feelings out loud.

Since I started my medications about 2 months ago for my depression and anxiety, I have gained a significant amount of weight – about 12 pounds. It wasn’t super shocking; I expected this knowing weight gain was a potential side effect. While that might not sound like much, in 2 months on my 5’5″ frame – that’s a lot… and honestly, I hadn’t really given it much thought; if I did, I would redirect those thoughts in a positive direction.

👉👉👉 re: cute little belly is cute.

Standing in *generic store name here* though, I found that an impossible task to do. I could not escape the extra weight in those lovely 360 degree mirrors. You know, those mirrors that I swear to GOD are designed to highlight every “flaw” you have and implant a deep-seated hatred towards yourself – one that has you walking out having spent more money than you intended when you walked in in an effort to curb the loathing.

Walking in wearing a size 6 pant with room in the waist, having to choose size 8 and 10 from the racks, and struggle to gain the cooperation and permission of my newly thicker thighs, I felt a very familiar disgust towards what I saw in the mirror. I gave up. I just stood there in my skivvies, bare and vulnerable, going over every inch of my new body with a fine-toothed comb. I’ve been working SO HARD on building and promoting self-love and positive affirmation when I gaze at my reflection, and all it took was 5 fucking minutes in a dressing room to unravel all the work I had done. The industry that I had so loved before had enormously let me down.

I was disgusted; disgusted at the dimples and extra rolls that stared back at me, and disgusted at myself for having fallen back into this trap of negativity.

That disgust SHOULD be directed at the companies who clearly don’t know how to size clothing anymore (how can I be 3+ sizes at one fucking time?!), but my disdain immediately went to my newly developed ponch and I wanted to just admit defeat and cry.

In talking with others, and in seeing different posts on the internet regarding this exact topic, I just wonder… How does the fashion industry think that it’s okay or even necessary to vary clothing sizes so greatly? (Anyone else remember when they were one size in every single store, but are now probably any variation between 4-6 different sizes?) How can they do so knowing how this will absolutely affect girls and women psychologically? Anyone in fashion familiar with the phrase, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”???

WHEN DOES IT END? WHERE DO YOU DRAW THE FUCKING LINE?!

Had I been younger, this experience would have had me revisiting my ED tendencies. I’m struggling to keep those thoughts at bay even now…

Fortunately, there is always a silver lining. For me, it’s that I have my eyes wide open to the stats and the struggles that I was so blind to in my privilege before. My whole life, even previous to my dealing with anorexia and bulimia, I have been tiny statured by nature. I was always able to go into any store and find something that fit, and that I felt great in. I never understood why some people hated shopping. I never recognized the struggle that others faced because I couldn’t relate to it..and I have no problem admitting that now. I was naive.

While we’re here, let’s review some stats, shall we?

According to a 2002 survey, 28% of girls in grade nine and 29% in grade ten engaged in weight-loss behaviours (in a class of 30 students, that’s roughly 8 to 9 people).
37% of girls in grade nine and 40% in grade ten perceived themselves as too fat (in a class of 30 students, that’s roughly 11 to 12 people). Even among students of normal-weight (based on BMI), 19% believed that they were too fat, and 12% of students reported attempting to lose weight.
In a survey of adolescents in grades 7–12, 30% of girls and 25% of boys reported teasing by peers about their weight. Such teasing has been found to persist in the home as well – 29% of girls and 16% of boys reported having been teased by a family member about their weight.
Body-based teasing can have a serious impact on girls’ attitudes and behaviours. According to one study, girls who reported teasing by family members were 1.5 TIMES MORE LIKELY to engage in binge-eating and extreme weight control behaviours five years later.
In a study of 14–15 year old adolescents, girls who engaged in strict dieting practices were 18 TIMES MORE LIKELY to develop an ED within six months than non-dieters, and had almost a 20% chance of developing an ED within one year
At least 30 million people of all ages and genders suffer from an eating disorder in the U.S.
Every 62 minutes at least one person dies as a direct result from an eating disorder.
Eating disorders have the highest morality rate of any mental illness.
13% of women over 50 engage in eating disorder behaviours.
16% of transgender college students reported having an eating disorder.
Eating disorders affect all races and ethnic groups.

These stats (and others) can be found here and here.

More than anything, I’m fucking angry. This bullshit that if you’re not between the sizes of 000 and 3 that you’re not valid or worthy is just that – BULLSHIT. That if you don’t look like the woman on the cover of a magazine, you’re not acceptable. You know, that woman who doesn’t even look like the woman on the cover of the magazine? Yeah.

FUCK these societal standards and FUCK these oppressive fashion standards.

What’s unacceptable is how the modern fashion world operates in tandem with society; what’s NOT is YOUR BODY. I find my love of the fashion world diminishing because I can no longer cater so heavily to an industry that literally propels itself on the destruction of the very demographic it’s created for.

It’s not that I didn’t realize these things before. It’s that I ignored them, turned a blind eye, because I felt like they didn’t directly affect me. All you have to do is flip open a history book to see how productive that mind-set really is…

So going forward, this is what I want you to take away from this rant:

I can’t say that I won’t ever do any fashion posts again. It’s not true, and I’d be lying to myself and to you if I said it. But I will do my absolutely best to shop consciously and create in a way that is body positive and inclusive. I’m still learning and growing myself. I hope you’ll allow me the space I need to expand my thinking, and the constructive criticism that will help me get to a better place.

Women can be vicious creatures, especially towards one another. I hope that we can create a #GuildofGirls who pledge to stand up for and support each other, while standing against those who seek to pit us against one another and tear us apart.

MOST IMPORTANTLY:
You don’t have to be thin to be worthy of happiness, love and acceptance; you don’t have to be thin to BE happy and loved and accepted.

You don’t have to strive to look airbrushed 100% of the time. You don’t need to keep hurting yourself to fit into a mould that isn’t even REAL. A favourite quote of mine is: “Beyonce doesn’t even look like Beyonce.” Cut yourself some slack. You are a bona fide beauty just the way you are.

That cellulite, those belly rolls, those angel wings (aka extra flap of skin under your arms) – EVERY SINGLE WOMAN has at least one of the above. It’s normal, it’s okay, it’s beautiful. You don’t have to be ashamed of these parts of yourself.

IT’S OKAY TO STRUGGLE WITH HOW YOU FEEL WHEN CHANGES HAPPEN TO YOU AND TO YOUR BODY. I’ve been struggling to accept my new body, but I’m trying, and that’s what matters.

Unfollow those IG accounts that have you uttering hateful things about yourself every time you browse them. Stop reading magazines if the only reason you’re picking them up is to measure yourself against what you’ll find inside. Respectfully ask those in your life to refrain from commenting on your body, and be okay with letting negative people go in order to maintain your own sanity. Seek out body positive people in your life, and in your social medias. Reach out and ask for help, or lend support to others who are needing it. We are all in this together more than we even realize.

“Your body is not the enemy”. No. It absolutely is not.

You are SO MUCH MORE than what you look like.

Cover photo courtesy of Wear Your Label
Shirt available for purchase here. Use “MAYETTE10” to save! ❤

Thirty Two

I just wanted to take a moment to share my thoughts on this particular photo today. Kayley Reed (of Wear Your Label) had posted it to Instagram the other day, and it really struck a chord with me.

As soon as I saw it, I just sat there, mouth gaping.

“HOLY SHIT”, I thought. “This is exactly what I felt but could never have put into words.”

Because I’ve been that person.

I’ve been the girl who spent hours upon hours staring at her body in a mirror and scrutinizing every single millimetre of canvas. The girl who only knew how to spew hateful things at what she saw in the mirror because she was taught by the media that it was ugly or disgusting.

I’ve been the girl who starved herself; the girl who would pass up the foods she loved or quality time with her friends for supper because she couldn’t bear to see that food turn into fat. Who binged and purged, to fit a mould that wasn’t even designed for humans; to have her shoulder blades and hip bones jut out, like a picture frame corner stretching a mesh screen.

The hatred and sheer loathing that roamed around my head – I’m not skinny enough, I’m not hairless or smooth enough, I’m not tall enough or my skin’s not dark enough. My nose isn’t small enough, my lips aren’t big enough. I’m not “womanly” shaped or curvy enough.

You know what?

I AM EVERYTHING ENOUGH.

I am pretty enough, and curvy enough. I am brave enough, and bold enough. I am smart enough, and strong enough. I am brilliant enough, and inquisitive enough. I am fierce enough, and loyal enough. I am kind enough, and I am honest enough. I am complete enough.

I AM EVERYTHING ENOUGH, and I have had enough with the absolutely ridiculous pressures and standards put on women and girls in society today. It’s not attainable, it’s not healthy and it’s NOT important. What is important is your happiness and your feeling of self-worth (and yes, your health is absolutely important, too).

It has taken me almost 29 years to love myself, in a world that should have been teaching me to do just that from the day that I was born. So my advice is this:

Love your cellulite (booty dimples), and your stretch marks (tiger stripes). Love your bread rolls, your sushi rolls, all your rolls (from enjoying wonderful food with family and friends). Love your chin hairs (wisdom tinsel) and your back hairs (stray eyebrows). Love your crows feet and your laugh lines, and all the random lines that are earned over time (they are radiant records that you have laughed and felt joy).

Love and treasure every one of your “imperfections”. You grew into them, grew up with them and you continue growing with them. They are a part of you. Embrace it all, wholly, because without it – you are not you. And you, as you are, are perfectly imperfect. Speak out of love to yourself. Speak out of positivity to the girl you see staring back at you in the mirror. Be proud of what makes you unique. Be proud of each marker that shows you have lived and are living.

You are so much more than this spaceship you were born into; you are the soul within it. You are the accumulation of your experiences; the love and the laughter that lights up your face, the tears and the heartache that show you your strength and courage. You are the empathy that lends a helping hand, the compassion that comforts another in need. You are the wisdom that sees another through, and the encouragement that embraces a moment of weakness. You are the knowledge that instills pride in others, and the kindness that births a grin. You are a beacon of hope to someone in darkness, and you are the light of jubilation to someone morose.

You are incredible, and a mirror or a scale cannot show you that.

You have always been beautiful because your true beauty can not be physically altered. So hug yourself tight, forgive your past remarks, and begin to love every single square inch. You owe it to your soul, to defy what you’ve been subconsciously taught and realize that there is absolutely nothing wrong with the way you look. You are still the most beautiful word.

❤