Forty Six

Hello Marshmallows!

It’s 2017!  A whole new year!

I’ve been thinking about doing a New Year post for, well, precisely 9 days now.

As New Years posts go, they generally include some kind of “New Year Resolution”…though, I’ve tried really hard this year to not have anything specific, or anything written in stone.  As history would show, I don’t have the best luck with them.  Generally when I would profess any kind of resolution in the past, it wouldn’t actually end anywhere other than my own misery and disappointment.  In light of this fact, I’ve decided this year to throw any and all promises of doing out the window, and allow myself the space to just do.

Resolutions are usually always about “new year, new me”, but I don’t need to be a “new me”. I don’t want to be, either. Instead, I want to simply look back on how much stronger I am, how much I’ve grown, and the things I’ve actually accomplished without obligation. Instead, I want to look forward to how much I have to gain, how many possibilities are out there to grab hold of, and concentrate on becoming a better version of yesterday’s self.

In expressing that, I also decided that this was the perfect timing to throw all caution to the wind and start living my life FOR ME.

Which is why I did this:

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Yep!  I took a HUGE leap of faith and just did it.
#PinkHairDontCare *insert sassy emoji girl here*
(thanks to my amazing stylist, Jesse! ❤ ❤ ❤ )

My Christmas gift to myself was to do something I’ve wanted to do for years but never actually had the cajones to do.  I’d been too afraid of what people would say, or how people would react, that I was always able to talk myself out of doing something that I really wanted because of someone else – or a few someone elses.  Isn’t that how it always goes?

(Can we just take a moment to acknowledge how CRAZY that sounds when you say it out loud?!) 

I can’t even express how freeing and magical it feels to throw everyone else’s opinions out the window. I’m finally allowing it all to be on MY terms now – how it should have been all along. No more second guessing my own happiness for the thoughts of others and the fear of what that might bring. No more allowing anyone else to dictate how my story should and will be written.

People will forever have opinions about you. People will always judge you.
For anything, for everything.

Forget the haters and do whatever the hell you want. THEIR OPINIONS DON’T MATTER. You do.  Your opinions matter.  Your happiness matters the most.

It’s been almost 2 weeks now that I’ve had pink hair, and the only regret I have is that I didn’t do it sooner.  Every single time I see it in the mirror, I can’t help but smile and giggle.  It makes me SO HAPPY, and it’s brought me a level of confidence that I wasn’t sure would ever exist.

For the first time in almost 30 years (that’s a LONG FRIGGING TIME PEOPLE), I finally – truly – feel more like the me that was meant to be in this body than ever.  I don’t care if people think I’m weird, or different, or too “out there”, or “not conservative enough”.  It doesn’t matter.  Whether people love my hair, or whether people hate my hair – it makes absolutely no difference to me because I adore it, and that’s the bottom line.  Being “normal” is far over-rated (what is normal, anyway?), and life is utterly too short to not have fun.

On a related note, I suppose the same can be said about myself in general.  Somehow with my fuschia locks, I am newly entitled to this freedom to just BE ME – whatever that actually looks like.  I’ve thought a lot about this blog and what I want it to look like, and I’ve realized that I’ve been lying to myself this whole time.  I’ve been trying to fit myself into this pre-constructed mould of what I SHOULD look like in the blogging world.   Instead of writing about and sharing the things that bring me joy completely, I’ve been neglectful and resentful because I feel like I can’t keep par.

Fashion is one of the things that I am passionate about, but there are SO MANY OTHERS from all different facets, excluding the fashion world.  I’ve decided that I’m going to turn the focus from this being an exclusive blog about fashion to a blog just simply about me – and whatever that entails.  Whether that be mental health, or what I wore to the movies, or the newest adventure I’ve been on.  It’s not going to have a specific topic focus.  It’s going to be messy, a little all over the map, and have some kinks and quirks that I will not iron out.  It’s going to be “everything but the kitchen sink”, so-to-speak – and that’s just how it should be because that’s just how I am; a little bit of everything.

So … I have absolutely no idea what this means going forward, but I’m hoping that I will be able to once again find the jubilation in writing, and in creating.  Whether you like me, whether you hate me, or whether you simply just tolerate me – it makes not much of a difference.  This is a journey I’ve begun – to start living and doing – for me, and no one else.  But, if you’re on this journey with me, regardless … thank you.  I’m looking forward to what will unfold.

Thirty Five

1

There’s something that I’m learning as I grow older and more wise.

Happiness has nothing to do with what’s around me.  It doesn’t come from the clothing I wear (okay maybe it does a little bit, when I find a comfortable pair of stretchy pants to allow for the growth of a just conceived food baby).  It doesn’t come from the makeup I experiment with, or the food I eat, the trinkets I collect to gather dust in my living room, or the new bag that I bought to match the shoes that also joined the family a few days earlier.

No, it doesn’t come from these things.  Not really.

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Sure, all of these things can make me happy – but it’s not true joy.  It’s a temporary high, and it’s gone just as fast as it comes.

Collecting possessions to bring myself happiness when I am not content within myself first means I will forever be on a search for something I will never find.

And this is where I have gone wrong for most of my life.

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Don’t mistake me by thinking that I don’t have a knack for pretty or interesting (or even luxurious) things – clearly, as Louis joined me in the making of this post.  But I grew too fond of them, and too beholden to them, that I couldn’t understand why I was never satisfied even though I was surrounded by so much material wealth.

5

 

I was unhappy, and it was an unhappiness that brewed from deep within.  It took me letting go of a lot of my worldly possessions to begin to realize the err of my ways.

I took a long, hard look in the mirror and began to face everything that I’d buried under a mountain of clothing and shoes.  And the more I looked, the more the clothing and shoes disappeared, and the less and less that I missed them.  The more I looked, the stronger I craved experience, and memory-making, and getting out into the world to reconnect with what really matters.

6

Happiness is a journey; it’s not something that comes from things.

It comes from me, and only me.  From within myself.  It comes from learning all about the facets that have created the being that I am today.  It comes from learning to love each of those plates, grouted together – some jagged as rock and some smooth as glass; each just as vital, regardless.

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It’s a hard fight to free yourself of the confines of our society.  If you’re like I am and you’ve been living within the “Everything Shiny and Everything New” era of today, then you realize how difficult it can be to divorce yourself from it.

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I don’t need the newest or the shiniest anymore;  I’ve realized there is no magic in those things.  The magic and the character come from having been pre-loved, and loved well (hint: this applies to your bags and yourself).  The more I think about it, the more I would rather have well-loved and well-known pieces in my collection that tell stories of where I’ve been and the adventures that I’ve had.

It’s a never-ending race to find the best and be the best, but you’re not competing against each other – you’re competing against yourself.  You will never see the finish line if you refuse to acknowledge this.

Protect your happiness and learn to walk away.  It’s not savage, it is necessary.  In a world that will do everything to break you down and keep you unhappy, it is absolutely pertinent.

“Less is more” is the old adage we’ve all more than likely heard many times.  I used to always brush it off, thinking nothing of it, but I see now the truth that hides behind it.

Less IS more.
Less technology in your life is more connection.
Less material wealth in your life is more freedom.
Less attention to celebrity media in your life is more love and acceptance of yourself.
Less hatred and jealousy toward your fellow beings is more community and love.
Less negativity in your life is more positivity surrounding you.
Less competition with others is more time for you and the things that really matter.

*None of the items featured in this post are new.  They have all been in my closet for relatively some time now, ranging from months to years.*