A poetic, visual piece of my reality living with Depression and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. This piece is real, and raw, and has been clawing to get out for some time now. In working to capture the true essence of what’s within my mind on any given day, I had to strip away the layers – both within my struggle, and externally. Please treat this piece with dignity and respect, as it is meant to showcase art…nothing more, nothing less.
The Abyss
i feel the monster creeping, closer
clawing it’s way out from under my bed
i’m terrified
paralyzed
this darkness that i have been lead
into
is gripping me
it’s crushing me
consuming me and fooling me
confusing me and cursing me
blood racing through at record speed
i need relief, an outside hand
to help me through this maze dead end
but frozen here, this beast is fed
i fear
i dread
this monster is no entity
this darkness lives inside my head
it tears apart my thoughts and dreams
it strips of me my identity
stuck in a fog with no recede
it’s cunning, coy, calculating
leveraging what i believe
“you’re horrible
you’re useless trash
the words you use are far too crass
you’ll get nowhere
you’ll be no one
stop wasting time, you’re far too dumb
you’re all alone and that you’ll stay”
this villain toys with me and says
my weary mind now letting go
no academic, i do not know
the best for me, or how to slay
to make this dragon go away
i’m wilting, weeping, wailing high
seduced by darkness’ lulling kiss
gone limp, i’m drug
to the abyss
but gaze!
the light comes glinting through
a voice then whispers
calm, bijou
“you have the strength, you do, you do
your claws are long and sharp and lean
the shroud, this cloak, straight through they cut
this darkness trap is not what’s true
the light inside, you have, you do
is all that reigns
and it’s a fact
you’re brave
you’re bold
and you will see the actual reality
that you were born of dust and stars
of mercury and venus, mars
your soul here serves a purpose yet
the birth of hope you will beget
for all those trapped here in the depths
with you, before and after you
the cracks within your heart will grow
to let in light, to let them know
they’re safe
the light inside you have, you do
they’ll realize they have it, too”
M A T E J K A 